Dear HR Executive,
The writer H.L. Mencken once said, "Every time I have an urge to exercise, I sit down and let it pass. "
My teenage daughter has a similar attitude towards avoidance. Every time she feels an urge to do her homework, she goes on MySpace until the urge passes, usually about one in the morning when it's too late to do the homework.
HR executives no doubt feel occasional frustration with managers and supervisors who practice avoidance rather than deal with conflict head on. This frustration is amplified when avoidance creates a mess that HR has to go in and clean up.
B21 recently conducted a survey to see how effective managers and supervisors are at handling conflict. Here are the results:
Q: How well are your managers and supervisors trained in handling employee conflicts? (n=268)
- They're a crack team - terrific at defusing conflict - 2%
- Pretty good - 36%
- They need help - 47%
- Awful. Problems fester - 12%
Got conflict resolution problems at your company? Below is an article from B21's newsletter Human Resources 21 that will help. Read on.
Stephen Meyer
B21 Publisher
The critical skill two out of three managers lack
Poll: Most managers struggle to resolve conflicts
Can most of your managers defuse conflict effectively? If you’re like most, the answer is no.
In an exclusive B21 poll, nearly half (47%) of HR execs said their managers needed help in this area and 12% admitted their managers were “awful” at handling conflict. That means a little more than one of three thought their managers were “pretty good” at handling conflict.
When you consider the way conflict can tear a team apart, you’ll no doubt agree these results aren’t reassuring.
Looking beyond a single problem
If you think your managers could use a boost in their conflict-handling skills, consider some suggestions from conflict-resolution guru Dudley Weeks, author of The Eight Essential Steps to Conflict Resolution.
One key: Line managers tend to see a conflict as a single problem to solve. Weeks suggests managers take a broader approach – and see the conflict in terms of the overall working relationship between the two parties.
That is, we all remember cases in our lives where resolving a conflict actually strengthened a relationship. That’s the goal of the conflict-resolution process, and that’s what the line manager should clearly state as a goal upfront.
If it works, this usually yields more lasting results than mediation and arbitration – which often focus on a single event and usually don’t consider the broader relationship context.
How it works
So, how would a line manager’s facilitation of a specific conflict look? First step: The manager should meet separately with each party to the conflict, and begin by asking some of the following questions:
- What do you think the conflict is about?
- What would you like to happen – and why?
- What are your needs?
- What do you think the other party(ies)’ needs are?
- What are some shared needs?
- How can you help the relationship?
- What misperceptions may be involved?
At this stage, the manager will want to clarify her role as a facilitator, not an arbiter or judge. It’s useful for the manager to encourage each party to avoid making demands, and to focus on options that benefit everyone. Now it’s time for the meeting of the manager and all the parties in conflict.
Joint meeting
The manager should choose a time and place that doesn’t favor any of the parties. Also, it helps to seek prior agreement not to interrupt each other.
During the meeting, the manager should keep these points in mind:
- Pick an opening question that promotes partnership. Don’t open the door to a rehashing of old arguments. Example: “You have a chance to use this conflict to build your relationship. Joe, how do you think this might occur?”
- Consider the parties’ perceived power in choosing which speaks first. The manager may want to “rebalance” any power discrepancy. In the conversation, watch for domination by one party, and ask questions that help restore a shared positive power.
- Be alert for statements that need to be clarified. They may contain the nub of a resolution. The manager asks the parties to clarify what they heard the other party saying rather than doing the clarification him- or herself.
- Listen hard for shared needs, and keep encouraging the parties to find mutually beneficial options.
- Remind them to talk to each other, not through the manager.
- Keep quiet if the parties are doing well. Intervene only for a reason.
One thing to look for: People often agree on the problems they face and on the results they want. But they often conflict on the solutions needed to get those results.
If managers can get the people to “partner” to come up with a joint solution (not necessarily a compromise), those managers will have a better chance of helping the “conflict partners” strengthen their working relationship.